Ramapo College of New Jersey || Women's Center

Women's Center: Sexuality

Sexual Relationships:

Self-respect is the key to a healthy and rewarding sex life. We cannot expect others to respect us if we do not respect ourselves. Being your own woman means doing what you know deep down is right for you. Sometimes your friends give you lots of support. But sometimes they can try to pressure you into doing things you're not ready to do. It's important to be honest with yourself about what makes you comfortable and what doesn't, what you want and what you don't want.

Women who respect themselves are less likely to get involved in sexual activities that wound their pride, are unpleasant, or hurt them. Some women try to put up with discomfort or pain, hoping they'll get used to it. They may not know what to expect from sex play.

Avoid regrets--trust your feelings about becoming sexually involved. Our society does not help a woman understand her real feelings about sex. Thinking about your answers to each of these questions may help you understand some of yours:

What are my sexual desires?
What are my sexual limits; am I clear with myself about what I will do and won't do?
Do I want to have sex?
What do I want to get out of it?
Will I get what I want?
What does my partner want? Why?
Could I get hurt?
Will this relationship be honest, equal, respectful, and responsible?
Am I prepared for any physical or emotional outcome?

Don't let your partner rush you. If things are moving too fast, slow them down. If you feel pressured or overwhelmed, take a break. Worthwhile partners will care about your feelings. They will support your need to take your time. They will be proud to protect you from sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancy.

It is wrong for a partner to pressure you, ask you to take risks, or ignore your feelings. It is not a good sign if your partner keeps secrets.

Communication is very important. People often think very differently about sex and what it means. For example, many people expect that having sexual intercourse will increase their intimacy. In fact, having sex does not guarantee intimacy. It can even be a barrier to intimacy. Or sometimes, one partner is having sex just to have sex while the other is hoping for a lifetime relationship.

Sex cannot take the place of conversation. Partners who talk with one another about their real feelings don't hurt each other as much as those who keep their feelings to themselves. Talking about what they expect from sex helps couples decide whether or not they should have sex together.

Get good advice about how to handle sex and relationships from people you can trust. Try to benefit from the experience of older friends and family members.

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