Ramapo College of New Jersey || Women's Center

Women's Center: Sexuality

Written by Marshall Harth, Professor at Ramapo College.

"Our powers to express ourselves sexually last a lifetime--from birth to death. Whether or not we are in a sexual relationship with another person, we can explore our fantasies, feel good in our bodies, appreciate sensual pleasures, learn what turns us on, and give ourselves sexual pleasure through masturbation. If we are taught to be embarrassed or ashamed of our sexual feelings, we may have spent a lot of energy denying them or feeling guilt."

"We are all sexual: young, old, married, single, with or without disability, sexually active or not, transgendered, heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual. As we change, our sexuality changes, too. Learning about sex is a lifelong process.

Sex Love and Relationships - in the Real World:

We live in a very sexual world. Sex seems to be everywhere. It is used to sell videos, magazines, records, and movies. We watch actors play women and men who are swept away by passion. There are seldom any real consequences. However, anyone who expects real life to be that way is in for a big surprise.

There's a difference between sexual desire and love. Sexual desire is a powerful physical excitement. Love is a powerful caring for someone else. It can also be physically exciting. Love can exist without sexual desire, and sexual desire can exist without love. Many people are happiest when both love and sexual desire are shared by both partners.

Having sex with another person is very personal and very intimate. You can't have sex without getting involved in someone else's life, even if it's a one-night stand. No matter how brief, sexual relationships are partnerships. Sex partners who understand this are honest and caring with one another. They have regard for one another's feelings and are willing to talk openly about their own. They also share responsibility for birth control and protect one another from sexually transmitted infections like HIV, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts, and chlamydia.

Not all people are interested in sexual relationships with people of the opposite sex. They may be interested in relationships with members of the same sex. No one knows for sure what makes people heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual. Our sexual identities develop as naturally as the rest of what makes us who we are.

The benefits and risks of sexual relationships are much the same for all people, regardless of sexual orientation--with one exception. Homosexual and bisexual people are often subjected to harassment and discrimination based on their sexual orientation.

If you want to talk with someone about your sexuality, whether you're homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual, try a trusted friend, teacher, or counselor. You can also contact Queer Peer Services at x7473 or visit the Queer Peer Services Website.

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