What to do if You are in an Dangerous Relationship:
First, remember that you are NOT ALONE and that there IS HELP!
Chances are, you are feeling isolated and ashamed that this is being done to you. It is not your fault—the only person who should feel ashamed is the person who is being abusive.
You may worry about getting your partner in trouble. You may not want to hurt him or her, and that is understandable. But first, you must get help for yourself because you don't deserve the hurt that is being done to you.
Abusive and controlling behavior by someone who claims to love you--no matter how loving they can sometimes be or were at the beginning of your relationship—is NOT normal. And if you think what’s happening is not a big deal because he hasn’t hit you, remember that sometimes emotional abuse leaves worse scars than physical violence.
If it feels bad, it is bad. And you don’t deserve it!
Call the 24-hour ADV Hotline at 201-487-8484 (available in both English and Spanish). ADV (Alternatives to Domestic Violence) is a Bergen County agency that provides free services for victims of relationship violence. Staffers are on call 24 hours a day to listen to you and provide non-judgmental support.They will help you identify your options and help you think about next steps to take. They have a variety of free services such as counseling, legal representation, and court accompaniment if you are getting a restraining order.
If you are in fear of your life, get help immediately. ADV representatives will help you file a Restraining Order if you choose to do so, and they can also arrange for temporary emergency housing through Shelter Our Sisters if you should need it.
If you live on campus, security will enforce the Restraining Order and the abuser can be banned from campus.You can also request housing changes if necessary.
The Women’s Center & Counseling Center are also good confidential, on-campus options for you. The Director of the Women’s Center will listen and support you, explain your options, provide information and referrals; the Counseling Center can provide the psychological counseling that you may need. Call ext. 7468 for the Women’s Center and 7522 for the Counseling Center.
Confide in a friend or relative—anyone you feel you can trust. If you feel they won’t be supportive, then seek out someone who will be (a professional staff member or professor on campus, a supervisor at work, etc.) Talking about it in a supportive atmosphere can help you during the rough times.
If you are outside of Bergen County, you can call 1-800-572-SAFE for the nearest crisis center.
