Women's Center: Relationships

TENSION BUILDING PERIOD This is usually the longest period of the cycle.

The Abuser May: be moody, sullen, fault-finding, and very critical withdraw affection isolate partner belittle partner drink and/or take drugs make threats destroy partner's personal property engage in inconsistent and "crazy-making" behavior The Victim May: attempt to keep partner calm and to placate partner become overly accommodating, agreeable, solicitous, and nurturing become silent, or overly talkative withdraw from, and avoid, family and friends try to keep the kids quiet and "out of the way" constantly feel as if she or he is "walking on eggshells"

ACUTE EXPLOSION This is usually the briefest period of the cycle.

The Abuser May: beat partner, often severely rape partner attack partner with weapon isolate partner from family and friends imprison partner become extremely verbally abusive humiliate and degrade partner, often publicly The Victim May: protect her or himself and way she or he can attempt to calm abuser down try to reason with abuser call the police fight back leave, or attempt to leave

HONEYMOON PERIOD In some cases of abuse, there may not be a honeymoon period

The Abuser May: apologize, cry, and beg for forgiveness make declarations of love and want to make love promise to get help, to go for counseling, to go to AA, to do "whatever it takes" send flowers and presents take partner out lavishly enlist support from family, friends, clergy and the children promise it will never happen again The Victim May: agree to stay, return, or take abuser back cancel, or try to cancel, legal proceedings make appointments with counselor or therapist for abuser and self cancel these appointments because things seem to be better feel happy and hopeful believe it will never happen again

HOW DENIAL WORKS AT EACH STAGE TO KEEP THE CYCLE GOING

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