Campus Ministries: Catholic Ministries

NO ONE FALLS IN LOVE

The leader of my youth group in the South Bronx put it this way: "You don't fall in love. You fall into lust. Love is something you grow into." True love is a process that takes time, and effort.

"Love at first sight" is a myth. You may, of course, feel an intense romantic excitement for someone you meet. You may feel that this is "Mr. Right" or "Miss Right," someone you would enjoy having as a partner. But no matter how many powerful hormones and emotions "love at first sight" may unleash in you, this does not constitute love. You cannot love someone you do not know. Love grows gradually, going beyond mere sexual attraction to include a balanced understanding and appreciation of the other human being. It goes deeper than feelings alone. Love is unselfish, a willingness to share. These are not perceptions and attitudes that you "fall" into at first sight.

Genuine love is an attraction to another's inner beauty. It is not superficial, but soul deep, a union of soul mates. They find happiness in helping to bring out what is best and most beautiful in each other. Just as our inner beauty can keep growing as long as we keep working at it, so too our relationships of love can continue to grow and enrich our lives, provided we continue to value and work at them.

An ancient maxim teaches that "passion clouds reason." Sometimes, in the heat of anger, people kill someone near and dear to them. Their rage blinds their reason. Only when their blood has cooled, only when it is too late, are they able to see clearly the horrible consequences of their anger. It is said that "love is blind." But it is lust that is blind. Lust clouds reason. In the heat of sexual passion people make poor decisions, they violate their own moral standards, their better judgment. It is only when they have cooled down that they may be able to recognize the harm caused by their blind passion.

Please do not equate lust with love. Sexual infatuation, obsession, or passion are not necessarily signs of love. Our emotions are gifts of God; they give us energy. But they can also narrow our focus, even blind us; they can be fickle, impulsive, and exhaust us; they can undermine our goals, and our integrity.

Love grows slowly. But it is positive, motivating, enlarging. Are you really in love? Is your relationship based on the description of love given by St. Paul?

Love
is patient and kind
is not jealous
is not conceited or proud
is not rude or selfish or irritable
keeps no record of wrongs
is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth
never gives up
always believes, hopes, and endues
is eternal.

                                                                                            1 Cor 13:4-8

Ronald Stanley, O.P.

For additional articles relating to this topic see:

PREMARITAL SEX

FORBIDDEN FRUIT

ASHAMED OF YOUR FEELINGS?

CLARIFYING VALUES

FATAL FLAWS

VIRGIN HEARTS

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