Campus Ministries: Catholic Ministries

FORBIDDEN FRUIT

Finally she took their beautiful two year old son and returned to her parents' home. She told me of her husband's abuse and alcoholism, of the many nights he would leave her home alone while he went out dancing with his friends. And now, after months of suspicion, he had confirmed that he had another woman, and another child. She was devastated. She told me of her fear that her husband might have infected her with AIDS.

I listened to her intently and compassionately. I let her cry. I tried to comfort, guide, and encourage her. Finally I told her, "I know you want to be able to be with your husband. But, if you decide it's best for you and your son, you can live without him." She burst into tears and said: "You do understand me!"

As our lives unfold, we all come upon people or things that we need to exclude from our lives. It may be a spouse or a friend; it may be alcohol, drugs, gambling, or some other vice; it may be a particular place or job. Eventually we all come upon activities or relationships that we would very much like to be able to pursue, that may even seem indispensable for our happiness, but which are destructive for us.

These are critically important junctures in our lives. The decision we make, and how soon we make it, will have tremendous impact upon ourselves and those we love, and upon our capacity to create a fruitful and genuinely happy life. We ask God to enlighten us as to the path we should take. We ask for the courage and strength to walk it.

When faced with such a choice, it is helpful to realize that, as much as we might like to be able to keep this person or thing in our lives, we can live happily without them. With the help of God's grace, we do not need them to live, or even to be happy. We can choose to let go of them and move on with our lives.

But we cannot be continually saying "No...No...No" to our destructive desires, unless we are also saying "Yes...Yes...Yes" to other, more wholesome, interests. At the same time as we are struggling to let go of what is harmful to us, we need to fill up our lives with new, or renewed, friendships and activities. At first, these alternative involvements will not feel nearly as satisfying as the ones we are leaving behind. But they will be life-enhancing, and, as time passes and our hearts heal, they will come to satisfy our emotional needs. They may even lead us to greater happiness than we've ever experienced before.

Adam and Eve were given all the pleasures of Eden to enjoy. There was only one forbidden fruit. But, instead of being content with all the wonders of life that God had set before them, they insisted on indulging in that one forbidden fruit. The results were disastrous (Gen 3).

God sets before each of us so many, many wonderful and wholesome ways to enjoy life. There are a whole range of people, places, and things open to us. And yet each of us have forbidden fruit we must avoid. What is your forbidden fruit?

God grant me the courage to let go of the things that destroy me,
the enthusiasm to enjoy fully the things that enhance me,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Ronald Stanley, O.P.

For additional articles relating to this topic see:
FATAL FLAWS

TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE

ALCOHOL, RU, & YOU

DRUGS ON CAMPUS: PLEASURE IS NOT HAPPINESS

PREMARITAL SEX

IS ORIGINAL SIN ORIGINAL GUILT?

THEN CAME THE STORM

I NEED TO PRAY

CONFESSION: THE BITTERSWEET SACRAMENT