Information for Students on Campus
Coming out is the term used to describe the process of and the extent to which one identifies oneself as lesbian, gay or bisexual. There are two parts to this process: coming out to oneself and coming out to others. Coming out to oneself is perhaps the first step toward a positive understanding of one's orientation. It includes the realization that one is homosexual or bisexual and accepting that fact and deciding what to do about it.

Coming out to others is an experience unique to gay, and lesbian and bisexual students. The decision to come out to another person involves disclosing one's sexual side, which is for the most part viewed as being a private matter. Some are afraid of being rejected but others worry that their sexual identity will be the overriding focus in future interactions with the other person.

However, coming out does not always result in negative consequences. It can develop a sense of relief and a sense of closeness. Other issues are the extent of the revelation (should everyone know or should disclosure be selective?), timing and anticipation consequences. Included in this web page is a list of questions someone who is deciding to come out should reflect upon.

 _{From the Western Michigan University's Safe On Campus Resource Manual}

 

 Coming Out - Suggestions for Students Who Decide to Come Out 

• Be clear about your own feelings. If you feel comfortable with your identity, others will be aided in their acceptance.
  
• Timing is important.
  
• Never use coming out as a weapon. Coming out is a gift to another person which communicates that you care enough to share a significant part of your life with them.
  
• Talk about your love/caring for that person so they can see that coming out is for positive reasons.
  
• Be prepared for negative reactions, such as surprise, anger, or hurt. Try not to be defensive. If you accept a person's feelings, you communicate that you truly care about them. Try to remember your own negative reactions when you first realized your sexual orientation.
  
• Be well informed about your sexual orientation. You are the teacher.
  
• If you receive negative reactions, keep the door open for further communication. Realize that people have very little information about LGBT individuals and that the information they have may be negative.
  
• Introduce your friends and family to your LGBT friends; this lets them know that they are okay, too.
  
• Remember that your self-worth is not dependent on acceptance from others.
  
• Remember that it is your decision to come out. You don't have to come out to everyone.
  
• Coming out is a risk - you do not know who the person will tell. You have the right to ask the person not to share your disclosure with others.
  
• You may want to role play and practice before making the announcement. Although coming out gets a little easier the more you do it, it's important that your words and thoughts be well chosen.

 

-from "Lesbians, Gay, and Bisexuals in the Residence Halls: A Resource Guide for House Fellows," University of Wisconsin - Madison.

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